Positivity .....the strangest element of life.

It seems to me, no matter how hard we try, we are constantly fighting to keep our heads above the water. For what I don't understand. I know for me to survive in the best possible state, I need to surround myself in positivity. But this just seems so hard to maintain. I'm so tired, and the reserve of get up and go that i've had from birth which has kept fighting keeps dwindling down and down, to the point where now, i'm just meh. Every time I try to do something for the better, someone somewhere pisses on my BBQ. Ungrateful, selfish, whatever people think of me, they are wrong about me and they will never understand how hard I fight, how hard I work, and how tired my body is,  inside and out. This stupid illness that affects my brain, the fact that it makes me appear as thick as mud, the pain that i go through every day. The thing I find hardest to swallow, when people say you can't be that bad because you work. They don't see what I sacrifice and have sacrificed in order to work. And all I want every now and then, is to be able to talk to someone about it, positively, without being patronized, without being told what's best for me. I surrender, because it's never gonna happen. But what I will say, is go Piss on your own frigging BBQ, because mine is staying lit for the foreseeable future.