Positivity .....the strangest element of life.

It seems to me, no matter how hard we try, we are constantly fighting to keep our heads above the water. For what I don't understand. I know for me to survive in the best possible state, I need to surround myself in positivity. But this just seems so hard to maintain. I'm so tired, and the reserve of get up and go that i've had from birth which has kept fighting keeps dwindling down and down, to the point where now, i'm just meh. Every time I try to do something for the better, someone somewhere pisses on my BBQ. Ungrateful, selfish, whatever people think of me, they are wrong about me and they will never understand how hard I fight, how hard I work, and how tired my body is,  inside and out. This stupid illness that affects my brain, the fact that it makes me appear as thick as mud, the pain that i go through every day. The thing I find hardest to swallow, when people say you can't be that bad because you work. They don't see what I sacrifice and have sacrificed in order to work. And all I want every now and then, is to be able to talk to someone about it, positively, without being patronized, without being told what's best for me. I surrender, because it's never gonna happen. But what I will say, is go Piss on your own frigging BBQ, because mine is staying lit for the foreseeable future.

A Creative Day.....

Today I'm excited because the glue that I need to finish off my resin brooches has arrived and I have a new resin colour to play around with (Pink), and two new molds. A bracelet mold and a mixed charm mold. I hope to create some pop arty type pendants using some old comic books so now i can start playing around with those ideas. I'm really excited about playing around with resin as a media as I think it will sell better and is a better quality product. I'm hoping that these will sell really well as I need to put away some money for the fees for my masters course in September and to start some fast track a levels.  I messed up my A-levels whilst at school, so I want a chance to do the A-Levels I should have done !! Hopefully I'll have some pictures to put up later.

Off the ground.....

So I've been playing at this making and selling lark for about 10 years....just making enough to keep me in new craft supplies. But my health seems to be getting worse as each year goes on, and I'd like to improve the quality of my free time by reducing my time at work, for this to happen I need to make this crafting business work a little bit better and work more seriously towards it. I'm also really fed up a lot of the time and I'm used to being much more of a positive and bouncy person, so I'm hoping being more pro-active about things in life will help me overcome the difficulties I'm finding in life.

I have Elhers-Danlos Syndrome and CFS/ME. I don't like to moan about either and I hate the fact that I have to spend so much of my life balancing the two stupid conditions/diseases whatever you like to call them ! But I've had to deal with the fact that my joints are becoming more problematic as I get older and coming to terms with this is getting harder. I'm also finding it hard to deal with my relapses that I keep having because of my CFS/ME and this is making me so angry and frustrated. I feel that I'm a burden, I hate having to rely on friends and family and I feel like a fraud a lot of the time because they can't see my exhaustion or the daily pain, even though inside I know I'm at my limits, I have no way of showing this to people. Crafting keeps me occupied when I'm at my poorliness and gives me a break from it. It's relaxing and therapeutic.

So in order to try and get this off the ground a little more, I've set up a blog and twitter accounts, applied for a shed load of craft fairs, set up an Alternative Artists network on facebook and updated my folksy page......

And now i think i might sleep..........or drown  myself in lucozade......:)